How to choose a pillow for the way you actually sleep
Loft, firmness and the gap between your ear and the mattress. The whole of pillow choice is one measurement most people never take.
- The gap, and why it decides everything
- What each sleeping position asks for
- Loft and firmness are different things
- Why a gusset changes how a pillow ages
- Down alternative against shredded foam
- When a pillow is not the problem
- Two people, one bed, two different pillows
- The first week, and why the first night means nothing
- A shortlist, by who you are
Almost every pillow sold is described in adjectives. Plush, cloudlike, hotel quality, supportive. None of those words tell you the one thing that decides whether you wake up comfortable, which is how tall the pillow sits once your head is on it, and whether that height matches the gap your body leaves.
This guide is about that gap. It takes about twenty minutes to work out which pillow you need, and most of that is spent lying still while somebody looks at you from the side.
The gap, and why it decides everything
Lie on your side on a firm surface with no pillow at all. Your head drops toward the mattress, and your neck bends. The distance between the side of your head and the surface, measured at the ear, is the gap a pillow has to fill. Fill it exactly and your neck is a straight line from the base of your skull to your shoulders. Fill it with too little and your head hangs. Fill it with too much and your head is pushed the other way.
That gap is not a matter of preference. It is a matter of shoulder width, and it is why a broad person and a slight person cannot use the same pillow comfortably no matter how much either of them likes it. A person with wide shoulders lying on their side may leave five or six inches to fill. A slight person on their back may leave two.
What each sleeping position asks for
Three positions, three completely different requirements. Most people are mostly one of them and occasionally another, and the pillow should be chosen for the position you spend most of the night in rather than the one you fall asleep in.
| Position | Gap to fill | What that means for a pillow | Common mistake |
|---|---|---|---|
| Side | Shoulder to ear, typically 4 to 6 in | High loft, firm enough not to compress under the weight of a head | Buying by softness and ending up with a pillow that collapses to nothing by midnight |
| Back | The hollow behind the neck only, typically 2 to 4 in | Medium loft, and support that stays under the neck rather than pushing the head forward | A tall pillow that tips the chin toward the chest all night |
| Front | Almost none. The head is already turned | The lowest loft you can find, soft enough to flatten further | Any firm pillow, which arches the neck backward for eight hours |
| Combination | Changes when you turn | Either a medium pillow you can push about, or an adjustable one | Choosing a pillow that suits one position and is impossible in the others |
The front sleeper is the difficult case, and worth stating plainly: the best pillow for a front sleeper is often no pillow, or the flattest thing in the house. Everything that is marketed as luxurious in this category works against them.
Loft and firmness are different things
These two words get used interchangeably and they are not the same. Loft is how tall a pillow is when nothing is on it. Firmness is how much of that height survives when a head lands on it. A tall soft pillow and a low firm one can both end up at the same working height, and they will feel nothing alike getting there.
In a fibre pillow, firmness is simply density: the same down alternative microfibre packed tighter. That is the difference between firm support and soft & fluffy in this catalogue, and it is the only difference. Same fibre, same shell, different amount of it.
This matters when you are reading anybody’s product page, ours included. A pillow described as firm is not made of anything harder. It is made of more.
Why a gusset changes how a pillow ages
A gusset is a strip of fabric sewn between the top and bottom panels, giving the pillow a vertical side wall instead of a folded seam. It is the single structural feature in an otherwise simple object, and its effect shows up in month three rather than night one.
Without a wall, the fill under a head has nowhere to be but sideways. Over weeks it migrates outward, the middle thins, the edges thicken, and the pillow becomes a shallow doughnut that supports the parts of your head that do not need it. With a wall, the fill stays roughly where it started, and the pillow keeps a consistent height across its width.
This is also why a gusseted pillow feels less impressive than a non gusseted one in a shop. It is not as tall out of the bag, because the height is held rather than piled.
Down alternative against shredded foam
Two fills in this catalogue, and they behave in opposite ways. It is worth knowing which one you are actually buying, because the wrong choice here is not something a size change fixes.
| Down alternative microfibre | Shredded memory foam | |
|---|---|---|
| Response | Springs back as soon as weight comes off | Holds the shape pressed into it, releases slowly |
| Adjustable | No. What is in the shell is what you have | Yes. The casing unzips and fill comes out by the handful |
| Weight | Light. A queen pillow is a few pounds | Noticeably heavier, which people either like or return |
| Washing | Machine washable, tumble dry low | Wash the cover only. Foam holds water and breaks down wet |
| Warmth | Breathes reasonably well | Runs warmer, because the foam pieces pack more densely |
| Best for | Most people, most positions | People who have never found a stock loft that fits |
The adjustable pillow is a real answer to a real problem, and it is also the pillow people most often misjudge. It arrives fuller than almost anybody wants, because it is easier to remove fill than to add it. If you buy one and sleep on it as it comes, you have not tried the pillow yet.
When a pillow is not the problem
A pillow that is the wrong height will give you a stiff neck. A stiff neck is not, by itself, evidence that your pillow is wrong, and it is worth being clear about where the line is.
The useful version of that for a pillow buyer is simple. If your neck is stiff in the mornings only, and eases within an hour of getting up, the height of your pillow is a reasonable thing to look at. If it hurts through the day, or wakes you, that is a different question and this is not the page for it.
Two people, one bed, two different pillows
This is the most common unsolved problem in the category and the one nobody writes about, because the answer is unglamorous: buy two different pillows. There is no single loft that suits a broad shouldered side sleeper and a slight front sleeper, and matching pillowcases will hide the difference perfectly.
The practical route is to pick the same line in two support levels, so the shells match and the pillowcases fit both. In this catalogue that means a firm pillow from one shelf and a soft one from another, in the same size.
The first week, and why the first night means nothing
Pillows ship vacuum sealed, compressed to a quarter of their size. Out of the bag they are dense and flat, and they need about a day to reach the loft they were made at. A judgement formed in the first hour is a judgement about a compressed object.
- Open the bag the evening before you plan to sleep on it, and leave the pillow somewhere with air around it.
- Shake it out along its length a few times. Fibre fill settles in transit, and shaking redistributes it faster than waiting does.
- Give it a full night before deciding anything, and three before deciding anything final. The body adapts to a new height over a couple of nights, and the pillow relaxes over the same period.
- If your neck is worse rather than different after a week, the loft is wrong, and no amount of getting used to it will fix that.
A shortlist, by who you are
Everything above condensed into four sentences, with the model each one points at.
| If you | Then | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Sleep on your side and have broad shoulders | Firm support, gusseted, in queen or king | The largest gap to fill, and the one that needs the loft to survive the night |
| Sleep on your back | Firm in a standard, or the medium fluffy line | A smaller gap; a queen firm pillow often pushes the chin forward |
| Sleep on your front | The soft support line, lowest loft available | Anything taller arches the neck backward for hours |
| Change position all night | The adjustable foam pillow, emptied to taste | One pillow set to a height that is tolerable in every position |
| Are buying for a guest room | Medium fluffy, queen | Suits the widest range of people you have not met |
What each size name covers, and which of ours carry a stated measurement, is set out in Pillow sizes explained: standard, queen, king and the ones in between. How to wash the thing without ruining it is in Washing, drying and replacing pillows without ruining them. The whole range is on Viewstar.